Molly’s story

My name is Molly, I am in my early 80s and I live in a northern seaside town. My Husband Joseph died after a short, unexpected illness 27 years ago, leaving me to live alone in our shared home.  I am a Mam and Gran, but my daughter has health challenges and my son, and grandchildren live far away. So despite strong relationships I don’t actually see my family that often.

Over the last 20 or more years I have been hit with one health problem after another. It started with skin cancer, then non-hodgkin’s lymphoma – more than once, bowel cancer and breast cancer. I have experienced radiotherapy, chemotherapy, surgery and taken lots of medicine.  Just as I get clear of one problem another comes along – it’s exhausting and no fun! I was fit and healthy, I did yoga and was active. I never expected to be as unfit as I am now and, if I am honest, the reality of my later life has shocked me to the core.

In 2010 I was recovering from lymphoma and reeling from chemo. I fell at home and broke my leg resulting in an admission to a local care home for rehabilitation (or what they actually called reablement…whatever that means!). For a short term stay it was really nice, the staff were lovely, and I got the therapy I needed to get back to my own home and life.

Once I got home, and after a few months of struggling a bit, I started to realise I needed some help. I managed to find a local woman called Sarah who would come and help, initially for just an hour a week. She helps with the cleaning, takes me shopping in her car and to hospital appointments (I have had a fair few of them over the years). My local hospital is about 10 miles away, I don’t drive, and the bus would entail 2 changes. I no longer feel safe travelling by bus on my own anyway. We used to have a ‘ring and ride’ supported transport service, but the council stopped funding that and the new ‘app based’ alternative just doesn’t work for me – or for anyone else I know locally.  So, the fact that Sarah is willing and able to help in this way is a real Godsend to me. I pay her for her time of course. I also use taxis a lot, the same local firm, who know me well, help carry my shopping and wait patiently as I take my time. They are absolutely brilliant. Its people like Sarah and services like my taxi that often get overlooked when people are talking about care and support. I don’t know where I would be without them.

Then about a year ago, after falling a couple of times, I realised I was frailer and less confident than before and needed a bit more help. I knew the council have care services, but I also knew that they do things the way the council want it done and not the way people like me want it. My huge fear is that I might lose control and staying away from the council felt like one way that I could retain control.

I heard about a homecare company, operating locally and aimed at people who fund things themselves, so I asked them for more information. The manager came to my home and told me all about what they might offer. I was told I would always get the same person or people and they can help me whatever I need them to do. With some small trepidation I hired them to send someone for 2 hours a week. When I met my ‘carer’ Kate for the first time I realised I needn’t have worried – we hit it off straight away. We have a laugh and a natter, and she will do anything I ask her to. She never says ‘I don’t do that’ like I know some care companies do and that is so nice. I don’t need help with physical care so what she actually does is clean out a cupboard that is tricky to access or to take me somewhere in the car. The one downside is its quite expensive. Right now, my Attendance Allowance covers the bill but I am beginning to think I could do with a bit more help and at some point I know the cost will become an issue. The one positive is that I know Kate and her colleagues get a higher rate of pay than they would if they worked for the council or another care company. It is important to me that they are paid well for the great and skilled work that they do.

I am a regular member at a weekly social group, run by volunteers, in a local village hall. Before Covid it used to be a lunch club but now we have coffee and cake, a raffle and a natter. A group of us always sit together and the friendships I have made there are really important to me.

The other thing that helps me is equipment and gadgets. I find it hard to lift a full kettle so my brilliant ‘one cup’ water boiler, recommended by my reablement therapists, makes it possible for me to enjoy a cuppa at any time. I have sourced and bought a walking stick, perching stool, shower seat and shopping trolley. The trolley was expensive but has more than paid for itself. I also have a home call alarm, activated by pressing a button on the neck cord I wear all the time.

In my down moments I reflect that I really hate living like this. It was never what I expected and bet it is not what anyone expects. In brighter moments I know that despite all the personal challenges I face I have people around I can ask for help and, crucially for me, I am still in control of my life. That is increasingly and irrefutably important.